Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Reflections: Lost at the Last Link

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Excerpted from a story by Yvor Winters:

“It was as if there were darkness evenly underlying the brightness of the air, underlying everything, as if I might slip suddenly into it at any instant, and as if I held myself where I was by an act of the will from moment to moment.”

I have been there -- in 1969 or 1970. It was as if a lens had clicked in place, or a skrim had suddenly been lifted, revealing in an eternal instant the authentic existence that underlay the world of illusion. The "real world" was seen to have possessed no more essential reality than a Disney cartoon of frolicking forest creatures. Existence was known as the ass-end of the Great Chain of Being: dead matter, imbued with that evil which is the utter absence of goodness. It was understood that once this horror had been realized there was no going back to the almost-happy dream, which was now known as a thin veneer covering an eternity of cold, dark, mineral death.
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I think that I'm back there now.

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6 comments:

SINVILLE said...

I have to think of the meaning of everything you write. Why do you think the air has gone out of you? I can feel your mood but your writing is cryptic, to me. Since I have started writing my reply, I have ran an errand and I've noticed you have replied to my post. Thank You. My writing is unvarnished, and the converse of your style. Your The Reporter story reminded me of the reason why I have a 1949 News Review in my desk drawer. I'll keep reading your blog Rodak, you reminded me that I need post on my twitter too.

Rodak said...

Thanks for leaving a comment. I don't use any kind of site meter, so I often wonder if I'm just writing for myself.
I've been (with apologies to Miles Davis) kinda blue lately. That's the message of this particular post. In part, it's because I miss my two daughters who are now both off at college (the empty nest syndrome.)

SINVILLE said...

I hope you're speaking via Skype with your daughters. My oldest is in grad school, outside of Paris and we chat, as if she was sitting in front of me. It really is better than a phone call because you can see their faces and sense if they are having challenges. Gmail has a video chat service and they are both free too. I am starting to think, I am a bad mother because I was happy to see mine graduate and leave for Montreal. Most of my friends were in mourning but this is such a fantastic time in their lives, I can't help but be happy. I have come to realize that I speak with my daughter more away, than they do with their children at the local University. I am not sure if it is because they have boys, or that in order to have an authentic college experience, distance from your parents is pivotal. The cool thing about skyping, is that my younger daughters will casually mention, they were talking to their sister. Just as if, she dropped into their room. I also leave a remark on any blog I visit. I wonder, if I failed to post one because I often need to use a grammar check and I will take a day to do so. I know, I bookmarked your blog to continue reading your poetry.

Rodak said...

We actually live in a university town, and both of my daughters are now going to college here, but living away from the house. I think you're right--if they were a thousand miles away, and equipped with video cameras, we would talk more often. But I shouldn't complain. My older daughter is actually here this evening. I should count my blessings and stop whining, n'est-ce pas?
I've noticed that some of my writings on Zoho have strangely lost words--particularly proper nouns, such as the names of cities. If you notice anything like that, please let me know, so that I can fix it.

SINVILLE said...

I had to google Zoho. If I notice anything, I will. Btw, I would love if you did the same for me. Unfortunately, all my errors are of my creation. Whining? "Parfois, quand une personne est absente, tout le monde semble dépeuplée." Alphonse De Lamartine

Rodak said...

Thank you. I will do that. Happy Mother's Day!