Tuesday, April 30, 2019
The following was found on my computer table at home, scribbled in pencil on a note card, undated other than by my given age:
I am 72 years old and have reached a place where I know I am going to die. This expectation of death is no longer just an intellectual concession -- it is a gut certainty. It is also a visible and sensual physical perception; somatic, emotional, and on a persistent, conscious, mental loop.
Nice place to be, huh?
Saturday, February 16, 2019
I find this to be exactly right:
"I do not think of suicide as the act, the death, the fall from a height or the trigger pulled. I see it as a long illness, an illness with origins in trauma and isolation, in deprivation of touch, in violence and neglect, in the loss of home and belonging. It is a disease of the body and the brain, if you make that distinction, a disease that kills over time."
~ Donald Antrim, "Everywhere and Nowhere, A journey through suicide"; The New Yorker; Feb. 18 & 25, 2019
Monday, February 4, 2019
Sunday, December 30, 2018
As Miss Kitty squatted to pee in the dust by the side of
Street, her modesty protected by her long black hooped
skirts, gimpy Chester struggled
hurriedly past her shouting, “Mister Dylan! Mister Dylan! A cowpoke’s been shot
over to Fern Hill!”
Hitching up his gun belt with a pout, the Sheriff peered over the double doors of the saloon to see what all the commotion was about.
Miss Kitty having moved on, a stray mongrel hurried over to sniff at the intriguing new muddy spot, still damp despite the heat of the sun at high noon.
The sheriff now shrugged and turned back to the bar, awarding priority to his still-foaming beer.
Resigned to being ignored,
stood asymmetrically without, thumbing through the pages of a dog-eared
On a hilltop half a mile out of town, a nameless cowboy quietly bled out unmourned, never having drawn his trusty Colt.
Sunday, December 2, 2018
If I say
I have lost everything,
I will soon begin receiving
lists of things
I still have.
If I say
I will soon be told
to get help.
If I get help,
I will soon be asked
how long I have felt
Since I lost
I will answer.