HAPPY THANKSGIVING

In a slight variation on what has become a Thanksgiving tradition in our nation's capital, President George W. Bush pardoned not one, but two, freakish white turkeys to celebrate the official opening day of the Christmas shopping frenzy.

Reached for comment, an unnamed White House spokesperson denied rumors that the names of the two turkeys pardoned were Karla and Faye.

"Pardoning birds is hard work!" Bush was heard to exclaim. "I'm all tuckered out."

On this Thanksgiving Eve:

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him all creatures, here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost;
Amen.