I’m going to let the Rodak Riffs Express miss the curve, jump the tracks, and roll down the embankment into that miasmic swamp called Politics. Sometimes it's called the Slough of Despond, but for now we’ll keep it simple and call it Politics.
When I got home from work today, there was an envelope in my mailbox with my name and address on the front of it and the return address of the Democratic National Committee on the back. Inside was a questionnaire, and a letter signed by Howard Dean, M.D. I guess I’m supposed to be flattered. Not only do they want to know my MasterCard number, but they also want my advice. Well, listen--here’s my advice, Democrats:
GO FUCK YOURSELF!
I’ve seen enough, already. Hillary Clinton has put me right into the Saul of Tarsus School of Feminism. I’m fully matriculated. Shut yer damn’ trap, kick off them sensible shoes, get yer lard ass out into the kitchen, and bake me some friggin’ cookies, bitch!
As for that political genius, Slick Willie, he’s cashed in his last chip at my table. I held my nose and forgave him for NAFTA. I gave him a pass on Monica. She did snap her thong at him, after all. She did brag about “earning her presidential knee pads.” And she didn’t get the “DNA” cleaned off that blue dress. Sure, he was “weak,” but she was no victim. I thought it was pretty cool when WJC blew his sax on Arsenio, too. Shit, I was easy. All of that said, in the words of the old R&B standard, “I used to love you, but it’s all over now.”
Clinton still has it. He’s still smart. He still knows what it takes to win. But now I’ve drifted—nay, leapt!--over into the camp of the Clinton haters. They’ve been telling me all along that the man was evil. And now I see it. He’s evil. Bill Clinton, “the first black president," has shown himself willing to ride back into the White House perched on the sturdy flanks of his blue-ribbon mare by making a friggin’ pickaninny out of Barack Obama.
Clinton’s seductive rhetoric of disinformation is designed to split the Democratic Party along racial lines--and it’s working. It’s the political war of all against all: Whites vs. Blacks vs. Hispanics. The Clintons are appealing to the very worst aspects of the American character. They are doing it as surely and as shamelessly as any crypto-fascist Republican campaign strategist ever did it before--and I’ve fucking well had it.
I take the Republican field of candidates as a personal insult. The Democrats make me ashamed. Talk about fear and loathing on the campaign trail!
I’m calling for a boycott of the 2008 presidential election. Only a 5% turn-out of eligible voters will ever show these corrupt, amoral bastards that we’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it any more!
If you must go to the polls, vote only for your local candidates and issues. Leave the national portion of your ballot blank. You’ll feel better about yourself in the morning. Trust me.
