Reflections: Yearning for the Tao

 

Clock time is not soul time. Clock time measures and chops. Soul time nourishes and awakens. Clock time makes lists of mandatory facts. Soul time allows for forgetfulness of all that has been imposed by rote, so that the Inner and the Outer may recognize their Unity and finally approach the Wisdom of Eternal Truth.

Readings: The Second Shoe Falls

"There is no second such example of inevitability as that offered by a gifted young man narrowing himself down into an ordinary young man, not as a result of any blow of fate but through a kind of preordained shrinkage."

~ Robert Musil, The Man Without Qualities

Readings: The Shoe Fits

"One has only to consider how cold and desolate the fairest face of nature can seem to a man left utterly alone, willing to exchange the whole sum of natural beauty for a single human face."

~ Alan W. Watts, Nature, Man and Woman

Rodak's Writings: The Interview: the Conclusion - a Flash Fiction

INTERVIEW: the Conclusion -- a flash fiction

Interviewer: Ivanka, I want to thank you for your candor in submitting to this interview and close by asking the question that's on the minds of people the world over: It is clear that your father has spun out of control. That being so obviously the case, why are not his wife, his sons, or you--his cherished daughter--doing some kind of intervention to save your father from himself, and our nation from further humiliation on the global stage in the process?

Ivanka: That's easy. Because he would have us all killed.

Interviewer: Oh my God! You can't mean that! Melania and Eric, sure. Don Jr. maybe. But surely not you, Ivanka!

Ivanka: [long pause] You don't get it. Especially me.

Readings: Still Here by Ram Dass

The notes below were made during a second reading of the excellent book, Still Here, by Ram Dass. I was still working at Alden Library when I read the book for the first time. I had purchased it to see if it would help me to cope better with aging. It did.


But, after I retired on April 1, 2020, I found that I was again having problems dealing with feeling old and useless, so I decided to give the book a second read and this time take some notes for future reference. The results of that second reading and note-taking can be seen below:

Ram Dass Notes

·       Be conscious. Do not allow myself to be unconsciously influenced by cultural attitudes toward aging, e.g. seniors are: silly, stubborn, vindictive,  cute, invisible;

·       Don’t fight nature. Aging is not a type of failure.

·       Don’t unconsciously view yourself as “other” or as a burden to society and the young;

·       Stop processing information and strive instead for wisdom, which alone increases with age, up until death;

·       Rather than striving to stay up-to-date, see enlightenment through the wisdom of directed consciousness;

·       We are materialists – the real is perceived through the senses.

·       Consciousness + Matter + Energy = the Universe;

·       Life is a journey toward Awareness = Atman = God;

·       Old age as a release from materialism (body). Liberation, not loss. Ask: Is more really better? Is enough enough?;

·       Meaning of life seen through: jobs, possessions, health only = constant suffering, anxiety;

·       Reincarnation: learning to be a Buddha;

·       Awareness = Ground of Being = Atman;

·       You have the power to age as you choose: from ego’s fear of death to soul awareness;

·       Practice mindfulness: meditation: a) be comfortable; b) relax jaw, tongue touching front teeth; c) look down at 45 degree angle, forearms on thighs, concentrate on breathing through the nostrils;

·       Face Your Fears: Senility; loneliness; embarrassment; powerlessness; loss of role/meaning; depression;

·       Accept your aging body; don’t bemoan it;

·       Practice walking meditation – awareness of body’s motions;

·       Old age is being, not role playing; freedom to do nothing at all;

·       The Ego collects information the Soul needs to learn Wisdom;

·       The Ego is an actor that has forgotten it is playing a role;

·       Elders now suffer isolation, removal from family role;

·       The tendency to isolate is dangerous;

·       From a soul perspective, dependency can be liberating;

·       Do not allow loss of power to cause fear and suffering;

·       Stillness is required to awaken wisdom. No need for busyness;

·       Dharma is Karma;

·       Slow down and open the door to Mystery;

·       Anicca – the impermanence of all phenomena;

·       Observe change from the present moment: Awareness;

·       In the moment we are free of Ego’s desires and open to Soul;

·       Future: fear thrives on the unknown;

·       Time and change are interrelated: we measure each by the other;

·       Curiosity rather than dread;

·       There is no “way things ought to be” – only the way things are;

·       The desire to control change is the greatest obstacle to Wisdom;

·        Mystery is the Soul’s element;

·       Attention: Eternity is Now;

·       Attention is the transforming agent;

·       Death is the final stage of our healing;

·       Death is like taking off a tight shoe;

·       Don’t allow your death to be guided by Ego: be Aware;

·        Change is the mantra of aging;

·       Gita: use the battles of life to become God;

·       Greater suffering elicits higher consciousness;

·       Suffering is caused by attachment, so it prompts us to let go;

·       To let go is to heal – not to cure – what ails us;

·       Faith and Love (Soul Awareness) are stronger than aging and death.

Rodak's Writings: Simile - another poem

SIMILE

I am pinned like a bug
by existence:
forgotten display
in a dark, locked room.
A trace of light seeps
around the edges
of black shades by day.
I sometimes hear footsteps,
distant voices down the hall.
But these things do not affect me.
Once a mobile being,
my stiffened wings are now
crisp as the flaking pages
of an ancient tome.
I am but a metaphor.

Rodak's Writings: An Ode to the Pandemic

What This Fresh Hell Is

                          All things must happen

                          left to right,

as your sight

now guides your mind,  

finally to fall off

the dexterous edge.

Thus the scorching sun

is Satan’s wand.

The prevailing breeze

is the Word of God.

The Ground of Being

smiles down on the virus:

Left to right

the ‘Rona rules.

Rodak's Writings: a Poem for Easter

HOLY WEEK, 2020

Drones hum above,
peer into baby buggies,
searching for clues.
Far below, the bug rages,
millions cringe in dark corners,
masked and abandoned,
watch as men truck the bodies,
gouge the parks for mass graves:
it’s just like the Nazis,
but without the bad press.
Still, tomorrow is Easter--
eat some chocolate and listen:
the sun also rises;
He is Trending;
chill out.

Remembrances: Robert Ford Dakin

Today would have been my father's 100th birthday. He has been gone three years, and I still feel frequent urges to call him for comfort and advice. I will miss him always. I love you, Daddy.

Rodak's Writings: Ruminations

The following three paragraphs were jotted down, perhaps at different times, on an old spiral-bound notepad that was lying around on a card table that I have in my home office. The second of the three was later used in a poem which I will include at the end of this post. 

These jottings are presented here without revision:

____________________

The essential thing about me, he said, is that I never gave a flying fuck about nature. Living on a cold, dead rock suits me just fine.

___________________

I dress in rags because I don't have to. If I had to, I would go far out of my way not to.

____________________

Nobody seems to realize how old I am. I've always looked young. Since I've gotten old, this has resulted in my receiving comments that I have allowed myself to take as flattering. When I was a young man, however, I usually felt my youthful appearance allowed my elders and/or superiors, to take me less seriously. But now, here I am: closer to 80 than to 65 --well within an age group where many are dying, or already dead.

______________________

Last Gasp

The soul is tried,

the jury still out.

On the empty street

a windblown Times

pursues the man

as if to bite.

Later, at home,

the poisoned air

lounges on his plate,

dares him to dine.

I am not hungry, he lies.

I wear these rags precisely

because I don’t need to.

So throw the key away, he cries.

Just, please, let me breathe. 

      

Reflections: The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Today is the first day of my retirement from Ohio University, where I have been working for the last 23 years. I don't know if I should be celebrating--even though there is a pandemic raging--but I'm not.

I find the loss of the illusion that holding down a job put me in control of my life and destiny is disquieting. There is fear that the pandemic, which has shut down most businesses, thrown millions out of their jobs, and caused the stock market to tank, will permanently cripple the economy, so that my pension money disappears even before it ever started. 

And, since Laura graduated in December and went back to NYC, I am now completely alone all day, every day. I have no one but my cat, Mona. She is a blessing, but not much of a conversationalist. I am too radically introverted to go out into the world and interact with strangers, just for the sake of some social intercourse. 

So here I sit, silently worried.

Because of the pandemic, should I need help, my family would not be able to come to my aid. Never have I felt so alone. 

And it has only just begun.

Rodak's Writings: Flash Fiction

SAM AGAIN

Beckett just called. Godot's flight's been cancelled. Just kidding. Beckett's dead. Yeah, I googled it. 1989. What? You've got fingers. Do your own math.